Saturday, December 27, 2003
Posting for 26 Dec 2003
Actually typed this on 26 night. but just at the last sentence, my computer gave this blue screen and i had to retype all again..
All the thoughts here were scattered, cos 心好乱.After 5 days, grandpa's funeral was over......
these few days, what had happenned made me finally see why my 1st ex 's grandma wants him to get a GF of the same religion instead. The difference in religions could lead to inevitable conflicts. This i'll not mention.... besides, this is the first time my maternal side had to arrange for a funeral, so there's bound to have some minor conflicts & confusions.
Heaven was kind to us. It didn't rain during this afternoon's procession. It only rained when we got back from Guang Ming San. Also, the sun wasn't too strong even thought it was abt 12.30pm in the afternoon.
I never experienced the death of an immediate family before. it's hard to really describe what i am feeling now. All the fears, all the heartbreaking sights. Especially at the crematorium today. Didn't expect the fire to be so big. I hope it doesn't hurts (for grandpa). I cried that time, cos it really seems at that time Grandpa's leaving us to go to heaven. eveyone cried the most at that time too, even my 8yr old cousin, who was strong for the past few days. Being a matured girl, she knew what is death. fFor the past few days, she still has her childlike's innocence and took a look at Grandpa's body in the coffin and called him "Ah Gong". At that time when the coffin is pushed into the big fire, she knew what was going on and cried.
There were sightings of butterflies and moth for the past few day. onthe 3rd nite, my sis and cousin saw a big uncommon butterfly. We saw a moth on Thurs nite. And this morning, before we send Grandpa off, we saw a small black butterfly.
Mum still crying... i also dunno how to comfort here. We ( my siblings and I) were brought up with rather traditional values in the family-- no hugs and nor direct expressions of love and concern betwen the family members. I thought Daddy would comfort her, but seems not. I know i had to do something, but dunno how, or maybe don't dare to.
Right now, i have a red packet (which the priest said It meant as the $ given my grandpa) in my wallet to keep as a momento of him...Not going to use it but let it grow with me.
************************
用一句庸俗的话来形容傍晚所发生的事--"中码票也没那么准确!"
Tell me, what's the possibility of seeing yr two ex at the same time in a busy Orchard Rd.
this afternnon, meet up with my ex at Orchard to return him the things that have been with me for a year while he's overseas. We had a small talk and had agreed to keep in contact and remains as friends. Actually shouldn't had met him today as i was still grieving, and cried, which might make passerbys thinking that he bullied me.
Were intending to go our seperate ways at the MRT Station but was we walked up to the midway of orchard underpass, it was so congested that we cant move forward ( dunno what so happening on a weekday), so quickly u-turn back and walked to bus stop.
Chatted casually while waiting for his bus to come first before I can walk off to my bus stop further up the road. . I just took a look at the passer bys behind us and i did a double take. i saw my oher ex just abt to walk past us. Really never expect to bump into him at orchard area, as we never ever bumped into each other before.Though I admited i do keep a lookout for him whenever I passed by his area . But seeing him at this busy Qrchard rd just at the second i shift my glaze at passer-bys....... timing so accurate.....
rushed forward to called him (without knowing my hair disheveled). He was also surprised to see me in town rather then at his or my estates (guess he did know i had attended a funeral). but din talk much, cos he said he need to rush off for his appointment with friends. If that's an excuse, it's a good one. cos he really turn his write and look at his watch).
Just a conversation that lasted less than 30 seconds.
I turned and walked back to the bus stop to look for my ex to say a proper goodbye, but no sight of him. His bus came just at the time when I talked to my other ex.
Timing so synchronised hor......as if everything was scheduled.
本想让心平静下来,
但这场偶遇却在心中掀起涟漪 。
|
~*Harmonie's Sentimental World --心情日记*~ 
